by the light of a soft lamp

I fell in love with you at 5am in the light of a soft lamp

The love that hit me, left me reeling from the impact.

You landed with a thud, directly into my heart sweet girl,

Eyes closed, so peacefully asleep, all I wanted to do was drink you in,

Breathe every part of you in  and weave you into my soul.

(21st Feb- 12 hours after you were born)

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homebirth

love

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the whole surprise

Being pregnant I’m constantly being asked whether I’m having a boy or a girl. When I reply with… I don’t know. It’s usually met with a little surprise. You don’t want to tell me?

No, I really don’t know.

This is also usually accompanied by, have you decided on any names? No, not yet. We’ve got a handful of boys and girls names, and like to wait until we meet the little one before we go ahead and name them. This is also met with some surprise as a lot of people want you to share your names with them immediately… err, no… You can wait too.

I love the whole surprise of it all. The not knowing when labour will start, not knowing what sex your baby will be and not knowing the name yet. The suspense is building, and it really is incredibly exciting.

If all those things are planned well ahead of time, isn’t it a bit like opening your Christmas presents in October?

The anticipation, the build up, is half the fun isn’t it?

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honouring the moment

A much needed catch up nap, found me with eyes wedged shut but my brain awake.

Strong kicks from my belly. Not polite little ones but robust moving the whole body ones. Laying there with my eyes still shut, I could just enjoy it and follow what the little one was doing inside me.

Just like that something had changed. Smiling to myself at the realisation.

Lately, I had been feeling a little remorseful at the thought of the pregnancy coming to an end. Realistically, this will be my last pregnancy. The last time I watch my belly slowly growing with life inside it. The last time I feel a tiny life within, slowly get bigger and bigger.

This is not something that happens every day, and for me I really feel incredibly lucky to have experienced this now three times. Pregnancy is a blessing, a beautiful occurence that still leaves me feeling overwhelmed at the wonder of it all. Every little part of it is a wonder.

Lying there with my eyes shut, and my belly moving about, this wonder finally made sense. It wasn’t mine to hold on to, it wasn’t mine to own. It was there for me to experience, enjoy and hopefully pass on to others in the form of words the joy of holding a life inside you. I felt honoured, and finally ready to move on to the next stage.

I would always remember this beautiful, magical time of having a baby growing inside me. Feeling curvy, round and fertile. Truly honoured and thankful that I could be a part of it. This experience for me is drawing to an end but for many others their journey is just about to begin and to me that is still, just as exciting.

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water

I’ve been feeling the pull of water lately.

I want to be in it, I want to be near it, I want to hear it.

Swimming in the sea calms me. Watching the drops from my fingers gently rejoin the rest of the sea. Baby feels at peace, lulled by the rolling movement of water lapping my belly.

Hearing the rain soothes me. The sound of the warm droplets lull…

Setting up the birthing pool for a trial feels right. Any indecision about that birthing option has now dissolved.

I’m nearly ready…

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what do I want for this birth?

What do I want for this birth?

Awareness

of my body and the changes it will go through.

The mental space

to honour what is happening.

Support

from those that I have chosen when I need to.

Trust

that my body will know what to do

Excitement

at the beauty and spontaneity of the whole process.

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round

big round belly

holding you in

arms encircling

feeling you so close

but not ready yet

round head in my pelvis

kicks causing belly ripples

big round eyes as your brothers watch the ripples

feminine soft curves

loving feeling so very round

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